Phsychonaut - sailor of the mind/soul. Psychonautics refers to the methodology of voluntarily immersing one's self into an altered state to explore human experience and existence.

I realized the other day, that is what I am. I am trying to find myself, my reason for existence, heighten the experience of everyday life when I am getting high. So I am a psychonaut.

I was listening to a talk by a motivational speaker - TED series. Pretty good. A lot of what he was saying made a lot of sense but what touched me the most was when he said define life and its goals according to your idea..just make sure the idea is your own. Not anybody else's but your own.

I feel that disconnect. The things I want I am working toward but my motivation, my drive hasn't quite been my own. My idea of success is to be able to do everything that I put my mind to in the effort of being the best that I can be. But the goal setting is happening at a pace that is not my own. I constantly set expectations that I fully well know I am not going to be able to meet. But still, set them and then give myself a long lecture as to how I could have improved, what else I could have done, again fully well knowing these things are just theoretical in my life. And the cycle continues. Looking for a connect between me and my goals.

"HOney got a booty like Pow pow pow, honey got some boobies like wow wow wow"...these are the words of today's commercial music that I love listening and dancing to. I have identified with this culture of objectifying women. Not in a bad way. For example, I am attracted to successful, confident men. I also happen to think I am extremely hot when I have accomplished a goal, achieved something, am completely waxed, slim...on point.It's attractive. Tying that with my sexual appetite, I am totally hot if I let myself be. Do what I need to do.

Have confidence. Believe.Pace.

I am a psychonaut trying to define or invent my existence...make me the person I am...
discovery#1 attracted to extremes without fear of consequences - extremely hot

Sour Grape

Family.." The whole world will leave you, but your family won't". That is the belief system I have grown up with. Watching both of my parents practice these values has it ingrained.
My dad is a family man. He provides for the needs of his family. He offers to lend a helping hand to his family. Today I heard him being a petty brother. A petty brother to my aunt. I don't know what happened between them but he is still so bitter about it. He shuts everyone's advice out with cutting words. Its scary. It really scares me to even try saying anything. I want to ask why so bad, I feel it bursting... out but no words come out.
If someone hasn't hurt or isn't a threat to anyone you love, if the person still cares for you deeply, what could they have done that you cannot forget or forgive?
And she went through something. She went through the loss of a son. Yes, you were upset too, but nothing comparable to the pain of a parent. For that reason and the fact that she is your sister, she is entitled to extra care. Extra attention.
What is more important than a relationship?What is so big that you cannot put it behind you and move ahead? You obviously still care about her too. You are still being affected by situation, You are still mad.If she was someone you didn't care about, the anger would have dissipated a long time ago.
Think of the happiness it would bring. To Mummy, Daddy.
You brought us up great. We all get along and are close. But as parents, how you would you feel if we constantly fought and hated each other?
I don't mean to disrespect or offend you in any way. After listening to that conversation , I felt that I needed to be open and share this with you. After all, you are my father. We were bound to have serious family conversations at some point.Things may be better if you discuss it with someone and it who better than someone you can completely trust, a family member - me.
No matter what happens our relationship is not going to change. We may dislike/disagree with respect to certain situations and actions but if anyone is saying anything, you know its because we love each other and want whats best for the other.
So please think and re-consider.

We are ALL family.